


Ugh

by OdeToPedrazar (MyPrivateLaughter)



Series: Ugh [1]
Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2824619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyPrivateLaughter/pseuds/OdeToPedrazar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pedro falling for Balth. Set within the timeframe of NMTD.<br/>Pedro doesn't really understand what it means when he almost kisses his friend Balthazar. Will he be able to get it together and let Balthazar know that maybe it wasn't an accident? Ugh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. History Revision

**Author's Note:**

> This has all been transferred from my [Tumblr](http://odetopedrazar.tumblr.com/). If anyones reading it for the first time, I hope you enjoy!

“Ugh,” Pedro groaned and buried his head in the book that he was meant to be studying. He was stretched out on Balthazar’s bed and was supposed to be remembering the key events of Hitler’s rise to power. From his textbook he said in a muffled voice, “Oh, what’s the point?”

Balthazar smiled to himself, still bent over his own work. He was surrounded at his desk by a mess of revision notes and dirty coffee mugs.

“I’m serious,” Pedro said, turning to look up at his friend. “Why am I even bothering?”

“Well I guess so that you can pass your exams,” Balthazar suggested, with a quiet grin on his face, “and go to University. And then you know, you can get a good job and earn money and stuff.”

“Screw all that!” Pedro sat up and grabbed the nearest instrument he could lay his hands on, which you didn’t have to reach far for in Balthazar’s room. It was his Marina acoustic guitar. “You’re going to become a famous musician, right? You’ve got to! You don’t need University for that. And then I leach off your money the rest of your life.” Pedro made an inept attempt to strum the guitar.

“But I’m not entirely sure that’s how it would work out.” Balthazar cleared his throat and turned back to his work, but couldn’t ignore the squirming in his gut from the happy implication of Pedro being in his life for a long time to come.

“Oh no?” Pedro watched the enigmatic smile on his friend’s face that had recently become strangely torturous to him. “I didn’t realise you were such a tight git.”

"Ha!”

“I get it. You’ll forget all about me when you’re a star. You’ll go off with your famous friends.” He strummed the guitar again and Balthazar smirked.

“You’re so bad at that.”

“Not all of us are blessed with musical genius.” The smirk made him persist though.

“I’m trying to study.”

“I’m bored. Can you tell? Where do I put my fingers then? Come on,” he pulled on the armrest of Balthazar’s chair so that it swung towards him. “Teach me a chord. Teach me ‘Wonderwall’!”

“Fine, ok, pass it here.” Balthazar pulled the guitar out of Pedro’s arms and tucked it onto his own lap. He could feel Pedro’s eyes on him with that steady confidant gaze. Every time he was feeling brave enough, Balthazar would allow himself to glance up and meet that look. The squirming in his gut intensified. “This is A.”

Pedro took the guitar back and had a go. “Here?”

“Push down harder.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“Push down harder with your fingers. That’s right. Now do, um, F.” Balthazar bent forwards and moved Pedro’s fingers into the correct position. Pedro’s gaze burnt into his skin and Balthazar felt every inch of air that was left between them.

“Well, that makes my fingers hurt,” Pedro commented.

“You need tougher fingers.” He half held his hands out for demonstration but then thought better of it.

Pedro made a grab for them anyway. “There is nothing tough about your hands!” he laughed. “They’re tiny and soft like a baby animals.”

“A baby animal? Oh, that’s lovely,” Balthazar mumbled. “Thanks for that.” He tried to keep his voice calm but his heart was racing with the feel of Pedro’s hands on his. Pedro was virtually stroking them for god’s sake.

“You’d never guess what these hands can do,” Pedro joked. Then their eyes met and Pedro noticed for the first time how close Balthazar was to him. But what was really surprising was how it didn’t seem odd at all. Even when Balthazar’s fingers flexed slightly and Pedro slid his own in between them. He wasn’t sure why he did it but nothing was telling him not to.

Balthazar’s eyes flickered down to Pedro’s lips and he immediately felt his cheeks burning red. He was so conscious of how much he wanted to kiss Pedro. Balthazar had become practiced at keeping that idea under wraps in his mind, but now he just wanted it so badly. He could smell Pedro’s warm, sweet, sandalwood scent, something that usually permeated his skull and made his brain melt into useless mush. But before Balthazar could do anything to ruin the moment, he felt Pedro move closer.

Pedro had almost touched his friends lips with his own when he realised that that was what he was going to do. He was going to kiss one of his best friends. Pedro felt his brain restart with a jolt and he wrenched himself backwards, tugging his hands free.

“Shit, dude,” he groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t…” He felt like complete shit, as if his guts had been pulled out and plastered across the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Balthazar was muttering. “I mean, I’m sorry, I um…”

“No, man. I totally…” He groaned again. There was no way he could get out of this or turn back time. He had ruined everything completely.


	2. Rugby

Pedro had known Balthazar almost all of his life, for pretty much as long as he could remember. Balthazar’s timidity fascinated him and frustrated him. There were very few situations in which Balthazar seemed entirely relaxed and at ease. When he was making music was the obvious one. But it also amazed Pedro the difference in Balthazar between when it was just the two of them and when anyone else was involved in the equation, even his other close friends like Benedick or Ursula. Pedro would straight away sense the shift in Balthazar’s behaviour. It wasn’t that he was more withdrawn or quiet necessarily. It was as if his guards had come down and Balthazar was filtering everything he said and did, pre-empting all his speech with an ‘um’, as if he didn’t trust that what he said would be accepted. 

When Pedro had first noticed this, he had begun a game of ‘get Balth to relax’. He consciously ensured that he listened fully to everything Balthazar said and included him in every conversation. He laughed at all Balthazar’s jokes, even the most rubbish ones. Pedro forgot about the game over time, he just did it naturally, unconsciously drawing Balthazar out as much as he possibly could.

That’s why when he now saw Balthazar recoiling back from him and all of the defences going up, Pedro hated himself all the more.

“I don’t know why I did that,” Pedro admitted. He wished Balthazar would look at him. “I’m so sorry, mate. Balth. Can we just ignore that, please?”

Blathazar nodded, still not meeting Pedro’s eyes. “Of course. Ignoring is a good policy.” He spoke almost under his breath it was so quiet. He turned his chair around back to his desk, clearly wishing he could be swallowed up into the earth. He pulled his sleeves down over his hands and turned over the page on his book.

Pedro sighed and put down the guitar next to the bed. “Fuck. Balth, I’ve got to go.” He stood up. Balthazar seemed unsure whether to look at him or not. “Just please don’t… Let’s just forget about this.”

“Yeah, already forgotten.”

These words rang in Pedro’s ears as he grabbed his books and left Balthazar’s house. What did he hear in that? Disappointment? Resentment? Hurt? No. It was resignation.

“Shit.”

Where the hell had that come from?

Balthazar had known he was gay since puberty. All his mates had suddenly become fixated on the opposite sex but he had been more interested in how Pedro had done his hair and what happened when he sat down in those really tight jeans. But teenage dating is awkward enough, without being a socially anxious gay teenager. There weren’t exactly thousands of potential partners throwing themselves at his feet – though frustratingly plenty of girls.

So he had been quietly holding his torch for Pedro as they had grown up together. He had no expectations, made no effort to ensnare Pedro, tried not to be jealous when he got with other people. And it was fine. It was fine. He loved being friends with Pedro and spending time with him. Balthazar thought about him nearly constantly but that was fine. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship over his own crush.

So where the hell had that come from?

Pedro went straight to his room when he got home, ignoring his parents enquiries. He flopped down onto his bed and covered his face with his pillow, groaning into it loudly as if hoping it would deaden the memory of what had just happened. What  _had_  just happened? He never used to want to kiss guys. It had literally never crossed his mind until recently. What was it about Balthazar? Was it just because Pedro knew that he was gay? Pedro had always had tender feelings towards Balthazar, but friendship feelings. Definitely not  _those_  feelings.

There had been a moment the other week though. It was a moment he had been thinking about ever since. They had been kicking a rugby ball about in the park with all of the guys. Balthazar was good at football, but rubbish at rugby. Mostly because everyone always used the opportunity to highlight and exploit his weediness.

Balthazar had looked adorably startled when he had actually caught the ball because he knew what was coming next.

“I’m going to crush you!” Pedro had yelled and rushed towards him. “I will destroy you!”

Everyone had been laughing as Pedro had lifted Balthazar off his feet, still clutching the rugby ball, and swung him around and around until they’d misbalanced and collapsed in stitches on the grass.

“I’ve still got it!” Balthazar had laughed, curling around the ball clasped to his chest.

And so Pedro had jumped on him.

“Get it, Ped!” Claudio and Ben were yelling from across the field.

Balthazar, sensing he was losing this wrestling match, had lifted the ball above his head and Pedro had leant forwards to grab it. So that had been how a breathless Pedro had come to be straddling a prostrate Balthazar with their hands entangled above his head. And they had looked at each other for the longest second of Pedro’s life. He had felt the world turn upside down. His heart had been racing and he had known that he didn’t even want to get the ball back anymore.

Afterwards, Pedro had thought about the feel of it, his hands on Balthazar’s skin, Balthazar’s eyes fixed on him, his hips pinned between Pedro’s legs. It had felt exhilarating.

But Pedro was straight. He had magazines under his bed to prove it. He felt as if he might have ruined his friendship with Balthazar, just for some random feeling he couldn’t explain. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

_Hey Balth. Look_

_…_

Pedro’s fingers hovered over the keys for the longest time before he gave up and deleted it, throwing his phone onto the carpet with a moan of despair.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” his brother yelled from outside his door.


	3. Favourite Tree

“Are you kidding me?” Ursula gasped. She lifted her hands to her face, her mouth hanging open comically. “Are you honestly serious?”

Balthazar couldn’t help smirking at her reaction. “I’m serious. But it was awful.”

“That doesn’t sound awful.” It was lunchtime at school and they were sitting under Ursula’s favourite tree on the field. Balthazar had just broken the big news.

“It  _was_  awful.” Balthazar picked distractedly at the grass by his feet.

“What? Which part? The part where the guy you’re in love with held your hand and almost kissed you or the part where he clearly fancies you?”

Balthazar laughed. “You weren’t there.”

He could feel Ursula rolling her eyes without having to look up. “Unfortunately for you. I probably would have smudged your faces together. Saved us all some time.”

“Pedro did not look as if he wanted his face smudged when he stormed out of my house.” The memory of Pedro’s face flashed up in Balthazar’s mind and his stomach clenched unhappily. It had been exactly the look that he had always feared, that he’d imagined Pedro having if he ever made a move – panic with a hint of pity.

“What do you expect? He’s the super-alpha-football captain student president. He’s freaked out! Oh my god. I still can’t believe this is happening. How can you be so calm right now?”

“I’m not calm.” Balthazar leant back on his hands and sighed. “Ugh. It’s just like now everything is just really weird and I feel like we can’t be proper friends again.”

“Ok, no. Balth, just no.” Ursula prodded him in the arm until he would look at her. “You are going to completely ruin this golden opportunity if you continue with that attitude. Pedro wouldn’t have done that if there weren’t some glimmer in his mind of him liking you.”

Balthazar shook his head but a tiny part of him questioned if she might be right. Or was he kidding himself?

Ursula watched him through her large glasses. “I’m not going to pretend to be this amazing match-maker -”

“Well, good.”

“- but my idea about Bea and Ben is pretty spot on, you have to admit.”

“Was that your idea?” Balthazar asked sceptically. “Please don’t tell anyone about this. I really don’t think Pedro would want anyone to know.”

“I wouldn’t. This can be a singular Love God project. But if Pedro doesn’t want anyone to know then he is an even bigger idiot than I thought. You are literally the cutest and he would be the luckiest guy ever to have you.”

“Mmm…” Balthazar gave a half-hearted smile.

“Talking of which, just a heads up that Celia Senior is apparently crushing on you pretty hard.”

“Oh, Celia helped me with some harmonies the other day in Music. I really like her, actually.”

“Yeah but she really,  _really_  likes you. She apparently has an awful gaydar.”

But Balthazar wasn’t listening. He had just spotted a group of people over Ursula’s shoulder - Beatrice, Hero, Claudio, but, by far most importantly, Pedro. They were coming over towards them.

“Fuck.”

Ursula looked around and then back at Balthazar. “Alright, you have to be cool. I’m serious now, Balth. Do not ruin this.”

“Weren’t you listening? It’s too late for that advice.”

“If you act normal, extra adorable if possible, and totally cool then I guarantee he will realise that he is massively in love with you, jump on top of you and do terrible, terrible things to you.”

“Shut up, they’ll hear you.”

“Hi, guys!” Beatrice called over to them. “What are you doing so privately over here?”

“You know, just chatting about boys,” Ursula said, smiling innocently up at their friends.

Beatrice grimaced and plonked herself down. “Oh, gross.”

“We’ve been talking about Mr Page,” Hero said. “What do you think? A New record?”

Ursula nodded. “Quite possibly. I counted three buggers and an almost fuck.”

“But to be fair, that was an unusual amount of Bunsen burners.”

“You almost make me wish I took Chemistry,” Claudio laughed.

Pedro, who was still recovering from Ursula’s first innocuous comment, suddenly realised that he was the only one not sitting down and did so quickly. Too quickly. He didn’t allow himself enough time to consider the most appropriate place to be in their small circle. Instead, he was directly opposite Balthazar. It was almost impossible for Pedro not to look at him.

Balthazar was wearing a blue striped cotton shirt with a t-shirt underneath. His legs were crossed on the grass and his shirtsleeves were pulled down over his hands. Why did all his sleeves do that? Pedro wondered momentarily if Balthazar had weirdly short arms that he’d never noticed. The sleeve thing did look cute though.

Then Pedro became aware that Balthazar was looking at him and their eyes met.

“Pedro!”

He jolted his head around to Claudio. “Huh?”

“Are you going to the cinema with us on Saturday?”

“What? Oh, no, I’m not going to date-crash.”

“No, it’s not a date,” Hero said. “Everyone’s coming. It’s the Monty Python Live thing.”

“Oh, cool!”

“You say ‘everyone’, but I can’t go,” Beatrice interjected.

“And actually, Mum’s asked me to babysit, so I think I’m going to miss it too,” Ursula added.

Hero looked a little disappointed. Enough to make Claudio to put his arm around her comfortingly. “But Balthazar’s going. Aren’t you?”

Balthazar shrugged. “Ursula was going to be my ride so…”

“We’ll all go together,” Hero said. “Pedro can drive us, can’t you?”

“Again with the ‘all together’ thing,” Beatrice scoffed. “You four on some kind of double date does not count as  _everyone_ , ok?”

Pedro wasn’t sure if he imagined Ursula winking in Balthazar’s direction.


	4. Car Drive

Balthazar’s little sister, Isabella, pressed her face to the living room window then yelled, “Balthy, your boyfriend’s here!”

“ _Not_  my boyfriend!” Balthazar was jumping down the stairs two at a time and he could hear the rest of the family chuckling from the dinner table. Isabella was only just six and hadn’t quite got the hang of how her brother’s sexual orientation worked. She pretty much assumed that everyone was Balthazar’s boyfriend.

“Have a good time,” his mum called as Balthazar left the house. He looked back as he walked down the path to wave to Isabella, whose nose was squashed against the window like a pigs.

“Hi, mate,” Pedro said as Balthazar opened the door and got into the front seat. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know, fine.”

“Aw, look at Issy. She’s so adorable.” Pedro waved at the girl in the window before beginning to drive off. “I wish I had cute siblings, not grumpy ones.”

“Mm, you should see how grumpy she gets when I don’t let her touch my instruments.”

“That’s probably for the best though.”

“Oh yeah, big time.”

Balthazar chanced a look across at Pedro. He had actually put a shirt on and looked pretty smart. They hadn’t talked about what had happened the other day. Obviously Pedro was pretending that the almost kiss had never happened and that was fine with Balthazar. It was fine. At least that meant they could still be friends. Though of course Balthazar would much prefer if Pedro would pull off the road and commence a major make out session.

“Balth, I’ve been thinking,” Pedro said and Balthazar’s heart began to race for no clear reason.

“Yeah? Not too hard I hope.”

“It’s just I was watching that video that we made the other day of you playing and stuff and it is so good, dude,” Pedro was keeping his eyes determinedly on the road. “I don’t think I really thought about it the first time, but it just made me think.”

Balthazar felt himself blushing. The song had been stupid. He should have written a song about someone else.

“I just really think that you should have your own YouTube channel.”

“What?” Balthazar realised he had been clenching his fists. He opened them and rubbed his knees.

“I listen to your music all the time. Obviously just those MP3s you gave me. You would be so popular. It would be good for you. You should post all of your songs.”

“Yeah, I could do, I guess.”

“You definitely should, mate. Ursula will help us film them. We’ll ask Claud and Hero what they think.”

“I guess I’m just not sure I like the idea of having a lot of stuff online right now,” Balthazar admitted, not wanting Pedro to make a huge deal out of this in front of Hero and Claudio.

“But if you’re going to be a famous musician you’ve got to get your name out there.”

Something about Pedro’s glib turn of phrase and the offhand conversation annoyed Balthazar. Ursula had been wrong. There was no way Pedro could ever possibly fancy him in a million years. I mean, could Pedro have said ‘mate’ any more times if he tried? He had made that part perfectly plain. “I don’t want to be a famous musician, that’s what you always say, not me,” Balthazar muttered. “I want to be a  _good_ musician. Having videos of my immature adolescent songs online probably won’t help me in my career.”

They were pulling up outside Claudio’s house where they were going to pick him and Hero up.

“Alright, mate, it was just a suggestion.”

“Please stop calling me that.”

He said it quietly but Pedro looked at him in shock. It was the first time he had really looked at Balthazar since he’d gotten in the car and Pedro realised now why he’d been avoiding it. These days it felt as if his chest was open and a vice was gripping his heart. He woke up and it was there and he could feel it as he lay in bed at night, but he could deal with that. It was when he looked at Balthazar that he felt the vice tightening, until he wasn’t sure he could bear the crushing pain.

Balthazar was angry with him. It wasn’t dramatic, only really a small frown but it was rare to see Balthazar with anything other than an easy going smile.

“Balthazar, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I just thought that…” And for the second time in the last few days Pedro was completely stumped as to what to say. His only instinct was to make Balthazar smile but he didn’t want to articulate something that he couldn’t take back.

Balthazar looked out of the window at Claudio’s house and sighed deeply. “It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.”

Pedro remembered the last time this phrase had been used between them. He reached out and put his hand on Balthazar’s shoulder, trying to make him turn around. He said the truest thing he could manage. “I’m not going to forget about it.”

Balthazar gave a small shrug and looked back at Pedro and Pedro’s hand slid around the back of Balthazar’s neck. “Please don’t do that,” Balthazar whispered.

And that was when Claudio sharply rapped on the window and opened the car door with a smirk on his face. “Not interrupting anything are we? Or do you want us to get our own lift?”

Pedro laughed as genuinely as he could muster and put his hands back on the steering wheel as Claudio and Hero got into the back seat. “Right, I’m not going anywhere until everyone has their seatbelts on, understand?”

“Yes, Dad,” Claudio said.

“Are we going to be late?” Hero asked.

They began to drive and Pedro slipped into an easy conversation with Claudio and Hero about the football. If the two of them noticed Balthazar’s silence they didn’t mention it. Pedro occasionally made a sideways glance towards the passenger seat where Balthazar’s gaze was fixed stoically out of the window. Why did it make Pedro like such shit?


	5. Bullies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: contains verbal abuse and may be triggering for some people.

High schools can be pretty unpleasant places for gay teenagers at times and Messina High was no exception. Of course, Balthazar was lucky to have good friends around him and in the last couple of years he’d been old enough for the younger kids not to bother him. But he’d had his fair share of name-calling and snide comments.

The first time that Pedro had stood up for him against these idiots had been by far the most dramatic - mostly because after that the idiots had been much more cautious knowing Pedro was around. It was in Year 9 when the whole ‘Balthazar is gay’ thing had started making the rounds.

Balthazar and Pedro had been waiting on the Humanities corridor for their next lesson to start when someone had accidentally-on-purpose shoved into him and shouted ‘FAG’ at the top of their lungs.

Unsure how to react, and burning with mortification, Balthazar just ignored the laughing and turned away. But when he looked up at Pedro’s face he saw instantly that there would be no ignoring there.

“Hey!” Pedro’s voice was strangely deep and sent shivers to the ends of Balthazar’s fingertips. Pedro grabbed the boy’s rucksack and jerked him backwards. “You fucking apologise. RIGHT now.”

The boy struggled around and continued to laugh with his friends, though Balthazar could see some uncertainty in his eyes now.

“Just leave it,” Balthazar muttered. “It doesn’t matter…”

“No.” Pedro’s complete rage was apparent in his face. “This little shit is going to apologise.”

The boy shrugged. “Or what?”

And Pedro had punched him.

It had not been the usual teenage boy fight that involves a lot of pushing and the odd kick but nothing else. This had been a clean, straight to the face punch that had sent the boy reeling backwards, blood gushing from his nose, just like you see in the movies.

Then a lot of things had happened at once. The mayhem in the corridor had been complete as everyone reacted in shock. Pedro realised that he had made a stupid decision and had started swearing loudly with a startled look in his eyes. The boy had run off with his friends and Balthazar had rushed to Pedro’s side and was berating and thanking him in equal shares. “That was such a stupid thing to do.”

“Shit, shit, shit…”

And the outcome had been that Pedro was suspended from school – the only black mark on his otherwise gleaming record. Oh, and that Balthazar had fallen head over heels for him.

‘It’s becoming pretty obvious that I really like you.’ Pedro said it in his head as he watched Balthazar bent over his guitar, his perfect hands plucking at the strings lightly and expertly. No matter what he thought though, there was nothing he could do to make those words come out of his mouth.

And yet the fact remained. There was no possible way around it. Pedro had looked at the situation from as many angles as he possibly could and nothing got rid of the fact that what he wanted to do more than anything right now was to cross the room and kiss Balthazar.

Ursula had dragged him into the music room to help her with filming but had had to go and see a teacher about something. And so the two of them had sat in an awkward silence for the last few minutes – Balthazar playing his guitar and Pedro watching him broodingly.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Pedro said it so unexpectedly that he even surprised himself. Balthazar abruptly stopped playing and the question bounced off the walls around them.

And then, equally unexpectedly, Balthazar began to laugh. It was the first honest, heartfelt laugh that Pedro had heard from him in days and Pedro immediately felt all of his problems, his concerns about Hero and Claudio, his confusion about Balthazar, evaporate.

“I’m serious! I want to know!”

“That’s the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard,” Balthazar responded, but he had a gleam in his eyes when he said it.

“So, what, it was completely black and white, then? You just knew that girls were yucky and boys were yummy?”

“Not completely, but pretty much. Like, do you want the graphic details of my first sexual awakening?”

Pedro thought ‘yes’ but answered, “No, I’m just curious is all.”

Balthazar raised his eyebrows, the grin still on face. “…Curious?”

Pedro leant forwards and rested his elbows on his knees. “I just feel like it might not be so clear-cut for everyone.”

Balthazar looked at him and then looked away again. “Urm, I don’t know.” He began to strum the guitar again. “Sometimes I think you just overcomplicate things.”


	6. Taking Sides

Hero’s 16th birthday party had changed many things irrevocably. Balthazar was still in shock at what had happened and the part that Pedro had played. Pedro hadn’t told him anything about what he and Claudio had been thinking about Hero. They had literally been hanging out a few hours earlier and he hadn’t said a word.

And in that moment when Claudio had been screaming at Hero during her own birthday party in front of all her friends, Balthazar had tried to catch Pedro’s eye. Because  _stupidly_  that’s what he always did, anytime they were in the same room. Balthazar was used to looking to Pedro to share a joke or exasperated looks or for reassurance. But instead, Pedro had watched the proceedings with a grim constancy and then followed Claudio out of the house without a backwards glance.

And since then, Balthazar had been in a daze, not quite sure what to think or to feel. He couldn’t believe things had managed to go so wrong when they had seemed to be finally turning out well. But there was no way Balthazar was siding with Claudio over his treatment of Hero. No chance in hell.

“Balthazar!”

Balthazar carried on walking, pretending not to hear Pedro’s yell from the other side of the street.

“Balthy!” Obviously not getting the hint, Pedro left Claudio and jogged across the street to Balthazar. “Balth! Hey, let me carry one of those.”

“I’m alright,” Balthazar mumbled, even though he was struggling with his guitar, ukulele and several percussion instruments strung over his shoulders.

“You really need to get a car,” Pedro commented, falling into step next to him.

Balthazar continued walking, looking everywhere except the space on his left hand side. He would admit, though, that he was intrigued as to what Pedro was going to say.

“I haven’t seen you. I feel stupid. I text you like a million times and nothing,” Pedro began and when Balthazar didn’t respond, said, “I wanted to explain about the other night. I don’t want you thinking that that was some kind of plan I had or something. I know that it was awful. I think Claudio just cracked. Balth.”

Balthazar shrugged, not meeting Pedro’s eyes. “Yeah, alright.” 

“Oh, come on!” Pedro snapped. “So you won’t even talk to me?  _You_ think I’m the bad guy too?”

Pedro’s frustration unnerved Balthazar but he felt brave enough to say, “Have you apologised to Hero?”

“ _She_ is the one who should be apologising to Claudio! She should be begging for his forgiveness.”

And then Balthazar smiled and nodded, “Ok then.”

“What?”

“No, I just, urm, I get now why you didn’t tell me. I mean, you would have told me before, you could have. I mean, I didn’t get why you hadn’t. But you  _know_  that she didn’t do it.”

“I saw it with my own eyes, Balthazar!”

“Well, you must have seen something wrong because you know that Hero would never do that. And if you’d told me you would have had to admit that.”

They had stopped walking and for the first time they looked at each other and Balthazar saw the anger, hurt and confusion in Pedro’s eyes. Balthazar wanted to comfort him, but he knew the right thing to do.

“I just think you need to work this out. I’m Hero’s friend.”

“You mean, Hero’s, not mine?” Pedro’s arm moved as if he was reaching out to Balthazar but then he ran it through his hair instead.

Pedro took a deep breath. He felt as if he could fly off the handle with frustration right now but knew that that would not help keep Balthazar. And that was much more important to him than his pride. “Ok, I know things have been a bit weird between us and it is all my fault. But I really need you… to be my friend. Please don’t be like this. I am sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Balthazar was shaking his head though. “It’s not me you should be apologising to.”


	7. Evening Stroll

Balthazar

So no one wants to talk to me right now, literally no one. I’m feeling completely sick with myself so I can’t blame them.

Watching John’s video, I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice it before. I’m guessing you watched it. Have I always been blind to that hatred in his eyes? What else have I been blind to?

I suppose I had been living a charmed life and maybe I should be thankful that something like this has happened to really, I don’t know, put things in perspective. I just wish that it could have happened in a way that hadn’t hurt all of the people who were closest to me.

I know that what I did is never going to go away and that apologies won’t change things but I have to apologise. That’s what I’m trying to do.

Ugh. I don’t know what to say. This is why I thought an email would be better. I know I’m usually pretty good with speeches and stuff but I don’t think I could get these words out. I’d end up just saying something really stupid and then possibly crying – and no one wants to see that.

The main thing is that I am endlessly, inconsolably sorry about what happened. I still can’t fully comprehend it. And if I could do  _anything_  to make amends to everyone I would.

I realise I’m avoiding typing her name…

Hero.

Fuck I hope she’s going to be ok. I’m SURE she is. Shit.

You have no idea how sick I feel. I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m asking for your sympathy. I just wish I had someone to talk to.

No. I wish I had  _you_  to talk to.

That’s the other thing I wanted to mention. Completely aside from everything else that has been going on – just to emphasise, I am completely wretched about what we did – I also just miss you so much. I’m not sure if I could have said this to your face but I’m just going to click send and then it’s done and I can’t take it back.

You probably never want to see me again. I totally wouldn’t blame you. But you’re my best friend and even if you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done can you just try and… I don’t know. Oh man, this wasn’t a good idea. I think I might be spiralling.

You’re the best person I know and the thought of you thinking badly of me makes me want to die.

Hope you’re doing well

Pedro

*

He clicked send and immediately regretted the decision.

Pedro hadn’t spoken to Balthazar in what seemed to be forever. He’d still seen him in class but in some ways it made it even more unbearable. Trying not to look at Balthazar was the worst, until he looked at him and then Pedro felt as if his soul was being sucked out through his chest.

But there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t go back in time.

Pedro tried to get on with his schoolwork. He had an essay plan to hand in in the morning. He didn’t even know if Balthazar had read the email yet but he couldn’t help refreshing his inbox every few seconds. What would he think when he read it? Would he even read it?

Suddenly his phone buzzed on the desk. It was a text from Balthazar. Pedro’s heart thudded as he opened it.

_Wanna go for a walk or something?_

His hands were trembling as he text back:  _Yes please. 10 mins?_

They met at the usual place, exactly half way between their two houses. They’d been messing around one time and worked it out using this website online. It was a little awkward to get to as it was on an empty plot but it’d become more accessible over time through use - and wire cutters.

Balthazar was already there when Pedro slid through the chain link fence. Pedro recognised his silhouette in the growing dark, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets, his shoulders slightly hunched.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

They made their way onto the road and automatically fell into one of their common routes, around to the back of the park. Pedro knew he had to speak first but he just had no idea what to say.

“You got my email then,” he eventually went for, feeling like an idiot.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks for that.”

“I am so sorry. I really managed to fuck everything up.”

“It wasn’t completely your fault,” Balthazar said, but Pedro wasn’t sure if he sounded like he meant it.

“It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for… if John didn’t hate me so much.”

“I urm, I don’t think John hates you.”

Pedro laughed coldly. “Did you not watch that video? It was scary. God, I just hope he’s ok.”

“He will be. Obviously, he was jealous. But you guys used to be friends, did you?”

“I thought so… I don’t know.” Pedro ran his hand through his hair and looked across at Balthazar. “I am sorry.”

Balthazar nodded, his eyes on the ground. “I know.”

“I got so caught up in everything. I was so freaked out about being bisexual, which really isn’t a big deal now that I think about it. I wasn’t in a great place. I can’t believe everything got so out of hand.”

“Mmm, things have gotten a bit shit,” Balthazar agreed.

They walked in silence for a moment. Pedro couldn’t feel happy, the thought of John and Hero being too close to the front of his mind, but it did feel as if an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Balthazar didn’t despise him. He might still be angry, and he had every right to be, but he didn’t hate him.

“Um, you just…” Balthazar suddenly began, “you did just say you were bisexual, didn’t you?”

Pedro laughed – an actual, heart felt expression of mirth. “I was wondering if we were just going to gloss over that or not!”

“Nah, well, we can gloss if you want to gloss.” Balthazar was making flitting glances across at him. “I’m not bothered.”

“I would hope you’re not bothered!” Pedro met his glance and managed to keep it for an electrifying moment, until Balthazar turned away again with a smirk. Pedro felt almost giddy. It was like his first drink in a cool oasis after almost giving up hope in the desert.

They talked and as they talked Pedro felt themselves slipping back into their old ways with each other. He relaxed, almost feeling as if he could breath for the first time. They walked around the park twice then, when the gates were locked, they headed back to Balthazar’s house. At the end of his driveway, Pedro sat on wall, a classic intimation that he didn’t want Balthazar to go in yet. And Balthazar seemed unwilling to leave.

It really was night now and Balthazar’s street was one of those dark back lanes, the flickering streetlight a few feet away not doing much to light their faces. Pedro liked it though. It felt like those sleepovers they used to have when they were younger when they would whisper their secrets to each other in the dark.

“I don’t know whether to go to the thing for Hero,” Pedro admitted. “Obviously I want her to know that I’m sorry and that I care about her and everything, but I don’t know whether it would be like, I don’t know, drawing attention away from her. Does anyone actually want me there? But then would people think I was prick not to go?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they would.”

“They would?”

“You should definitely go.”

“Alright, I’ll go.” Pedro smiled into the darkness. Nothing was right, nothing at all, not with Hero or John or any of his friends. Nothing was right except for Balthazar. Balthazar was such a gift, a goddamn angel.

“I should go in,” Balthazar said.

“Yeah.”

But they stood there for a while longer.

When Balthazar finally dragged himself away from the Pedro he was pretty sure would have sat out there all night, he walked up his drive, enjoying the feeling of Pedro’s eyes on him. He confirmed it at the door, where he turned and smiled at the dark watching figure. Then he went inside.

“You could have invited your boyfriend inside,” his mum said. She was sitting on the sofa with a book and a grin.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “You sound like Issy. Pedro is not my boyfriend!”

But his mum just continued to smile.

“Jesus Christ.”


	8. Groupie

It felt great to be sharing a desk with Pedro again. Pedro always sat closest the wall and would lean against the wall sideways in his chair and rest his arm on the back of his chair and sort of spread out in the most relaxed manner possible in an English lesson. His right hand would take occasional notes. 

Balthazar tended to take up a very small amount of the remaining space on the desk, but he always loved the feeling of Pedro being mostly faced towards him. It took only the smallest movement of the eyes for them to be looking at each other.

Since Hero had come back, everyone had been trying to get back to normal. Some attempts were better than others. The personalised cupcakes that Hero had baked, for example, had gone down a storm. Pedro’s awkward attempts to speak to Beatrice alone had not been appreciated quite so much.

“Just give her time,” Balthazar had advised him. “She’s still your friend.”

“I don’t deserve to have her as a friend,” Pedro had gloomily responded

In actual fact, gloomy was the perfect adjective to describe Pedro these days, which was why it was so thrilling when Balthazar managed to make him smile. But not as thrilling as when their knees touched beneath the desk.

They were supposed to be highlighting an example essay for good and bad content. Pedro slid a piece of paper over towards him.

_What you doing after school?_

Balthazar smiled to himself and wrote:  _Band_

Pedro tutted loudly and then, when the English teacher looked up at him, pretended to be working again. Eventually he scribbled:  _Can I come?_

 _Since when are you a groupie?_ Balthazar illustrated his point with a stick figure playing the guitar being watched by a stick figure encircled by hearts and with hearts for eyes. As he slid it across the desk he watched Pedro’s smirk out of the corner of his eye.

Pedro just drew an arrow and wrote:  _Accurate representation._

Balthazar looked across at Pedro and his stomach did a belly flop. He couldn’t help wondering if the amount of dopamine coursing through his relatively small body could be potentially dangerous. It felt as if all of him was tingling. Was it possible that this gorgeous, football-playing guy actually, in real life fancied him?

As if in response to the question, Pedro’s gaze flickered to Bathazar’s lips and then back to meet his eyes. Balthazar knew that they could not possibly begin making out in the middle of English but he felt his stomach clench and had to consciously remind himself to breathe. He looked back down at the essay but all he could see was black squiggles.

_Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro Pedro…_

_._

"It was like watching porn,” Ursula sighed as they walked to the Music Block. “It looked like he was going to ravish you on the spot.”

Balthazar smiled and said, “I think you might be exaggerating slightly,” but his outer extremities were still tingling.

“I don’t think I can sit behind you two again. I honestly feel like some creepy pervert every time I look up and you’re totally eye-banging each other.”

“Nah, that phrase sounds really weird coming from your mouth. Can you please stop speaking?”

“If you two don’t stop being so entirely adorable then I might have to cut out my tongue just to prevent myself gagging.”

As they rounded the corner, Balthazar came across Pedro and Beatrice sitting together on a bench. When they saw Balthazar and Ursula heading their way, Beatrice waved, but then they both stood up and walked away around the corner.

Balthazar knew that jealousy was an ugly emotion that could only have negative consequences, as evidenced by recent events. He knew that Pedro and Beatrice had been good friends for a long time. He knew that at different points in time Pedro had fancied a lot of people and that it had no impact on their relationship. He was also fairly certain that Beatrice was entirely besotted with Benedick, especially after the age they spent on her song for him.

And yet.

It didn’t feel entirely comfortable watching the guy you can’t stop thinking about walking off with the girl he’d asked out a few months ago. Of course, being the person he was, Balthazar spent the next hour rationalising with himself, repeating in his mind that he had no cause or right to be anxious or envious. He repeated this to himself so much, in fact, that he thought of nothing much else for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t even as if they were going out or as if anything would actually happen. It was just the idea that Pedro could quite possibly still fancy Beatrice that drove him mad. He was just at the point of telling himself he had been wrong about Pedro liking him when he got a text from the guy himself.

_Totally winning her over with my wit and charm. I’m looking forward to later ;)_


	9. Shopping

Pedro opened his front door and almost walked straight into Balthazar, who had just raised his hand to knock. “Woah! Hey!”

“Oh.” Balthazar seemed almost embarrassed by Pedro’s sudden appearance. “Hi.” He had his guitar slung around his back and was wearing his favourite ‘Mumford & Sons’ t-shirt, which he wore close to every other day. 

 John pushed past Pedro through the doorway. “Come on! We’re already late.” He threw a cursory wave at Balthazar while storming down the path. “I’m waiting in the car.”

“Balthy can come, right?” Pedro called after him.

“Whatever!” John yelled without looking back.

Since John had returned at the picnic, the brothers had both been ‘making the effort’ while doing their best to pretend that they weren’t.

“Where are you going?” Balthazar asked.

“I’m taking John into town. There’s this video game that is being released today, apparently a very important game that people actually queue for bizarrely enough. In fact,” Pedro suddenly realised, “there might be a lot of queuing involved. You don’t have to come. It’s probably going to be-”

“Nah, I’ll come.”

“You’ll come?”

“Yeah, course. I mean, I love queuing. It’s like one of my favourite past times.”

“Oh yeah?” Pedro couldn’t help grinning like an idiot at the most adorable person alive in the world who was grinning right back at him.

John honked the car horn and shouted aggressively from the passenger seat. “Come  _on_ , you dorks!”

The queue at the game shop wasn’t too long, through John was hilariously impatient.

After they got the game, they went to a few clothes shops where Pedro and Balthazar mercilessly bullied John into trying on the brightest outfits they could find, including canary yellow jeans and a florescent pink shirt. John eventually settled on a midnight blue t-shirt, which Pedro declared was a monumental symbolic shift from the black, much to John’s annoyance.

Balthazar picked out some shirts for Pedro to try on. Pedro moaned that he could never feel comfortable in anything except a t-shirt but secretly loved the idea of having clothes chosen by Balthazar.

In the same vein, Pedro cajoled Balthazar into a t-shirt that was actually his size and would fit properly. Well, at least it was the smallest they could find in the adult section.

“How does it look?” Pedro yelled into the changing rooms.

“I’m not coming out,” Balthazar said.

“What? Come on! John did.”

There was a pause and then the curtain slid across. Wincing as if in physical pain, Balthazar stepped out of the stall with what was a fairly normal fitting, plain green t-shirt.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” John said.

Pedro didn’t comment straight away, just beamed. It was a pretty standard look but definitely not normal for Balthazar. Pedro didn’t even pretend he wasn’t noticing the fit of the top against Balthazar’s torso and the amount of his arms that was on show.

“Well, I like it,” Pedro eventually offered.

“I thought you might,” he heard John mutter and Balthazar must have heard it too because he blushed and almost knocked himself out on the changing room stall in his haste to retreat.

“Are you gonna buy it?” Pedro called, half laughing.

“No!”

“Oh, please!”

“No!”

They went into Balthazar’s favourite music shop where he knew all the staff and introduced Pedro to them by saying, “this is my urm [slight pause] friend, Pedro”. They then proceeded to refer to Pedro as his ‘urm-friend’ for the whole time they were in the shop, with winks to emphasise the ‘friend’ part. Pedro didn’t exactly dislike this, even though he could constantly see John smirking wickedly out of the corner of his eye.

Then they drove back to the Donaldson’s and Balthazar came in to hang out by silent consensus. The three of them ended up in the snug playing John’s new game on coop. It was only two players so Pedro and Balthazar took it in turns, chucking the controller to each other after they’d died in a particularly gruesome or ridiculous way. Balthazar would use the time he wasn’t playing to mess around on his guitar, providing an odd soundtrack to the violence.

It was a first person shooter and John was considerably better than either of them at it. In fact, Balthazar was pretty rubbish and John spent most of his time yelling “X! X! X!” or “jump over it! Just jump! A! The green one! Oh, for god’s sake…”

Obviously John would have done a lot better by himself but Pedro could tell that he was enjoying himself nonetheless. And Pedro was definitely enjoying himself. It felt like the perfect day. He’d happily spend every day like this, just chilling out with his brother and Balthy, though perhaps with a few more private activities on the cards.

When Balthazar finally had to go home, Pedro lingered at the doorway with him for probably an inappropriate amount of time. They didn’t even have much to say to each other. Pedro chatted inanely about nothing, just enjoying Balthazar’s blush when their eyes were locked together for too long.

Afterwards, John followed Pedro to his room and lurked in the doorway. Pedro sat down at his desk and ignored him for a minute, then demanded, “What?”

“So, are you going to ask him out, or what?”

Pedro looked fixedly at his brother for a moment, considering his response. This was the point at which he could fashion a lie. He could blow off the whole thing with a laugh and an eye-roll. Why did that feel like he would be betraying Balth? Pedro blinked and turned away. “Oh, I dunno.”

“Jesus, are you kidding me?” John groaned. He walked into the room and fell onto Pedro’s bed. “You’re so rubbish.”

Pedro looked at his hands. “I know.”

“You so obviously both fancy each other to the extreme. You can’t exactly be worried about what his response will be.”

This was sort of beside the point, but Pedro enjoyed hearing him say it anyway. “It’s not that.”

John sat up on the bed. “Do I have to fucking pry it out of you or what?”

Pedro laughed. It did feel strange confiding in his brother again. But he liked it. “You know… It’s weird! It’s new! I’ve never, like, been with a guy before.”

“Oh,  _gross_!”

“Shut up! Not like that. Well, yes! Like that too! I have no clue what I’m getting myself into and I don’t want to screw it up. I lo-” Pedro realised what he was going to say and swallowed the declaration from the end of his tongue. “He’s my best friend and I care about our friendship. I care about him. I don’t want to ruin everything between us.”

“Ok…” John drawled, “but explain to me how making out with his face would do anything to ruin your friendship. I would suggest that it might in fact enhance it.”

Pedro sighed, despondently. “Yeah, I guess.”

John looked as his brother with searching eyes then sat back on his hands. “Well, you can do what you want, mate. But all I know is that if I felt that way about someone and if that someone looked at me the way Balthazar looks at you then I would not be in my bedroom moping about.”

“I’m not moping.”

“I would be over there, hammering down their door, throwing myself at their feet.”

“Well, that would be quite dramatic…”

“I’m serious, Pedro. Get a grip! Don’t let fear of the unknowable stand in the way of your being happy.”

“That’s a bit home spun for you!” Pedro’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out.

“Maybe.” John shrugged as if to say ‘it’s your life’. “And I thought I was meant to be the self-destructive one in the family.”

It was message from Balthazar.  _Just got home. What you up to?_

Pedro deliberately attempted not to show any reaction but his brother guessed all the same. “For god’s sake!” he said, beginning to laugh for real. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

Pedro didn’t deny it.

John shook his head in complete exasperation. “How are you such an idiot?”

 


	10. Call

John’s addictive video game was a fantastic excuse for Balthazar to spend as much time as possible at the Donaldson’s. He gave this excuse as convincingly as he could but from Pedro’s small smile whenever he suggested it Balthazar sort of got the notion that it wasn’t that convincing.

They spent the next couple of days after school alternatively playing the game with John and doing schoolwork. John had commandeered the snug’s armchair, so Balthazar was next to Pedro on the sofa. All the better.

So on Wednesday, the three boys walked back from school, got a drink and then collapsed again in front of the TV as was becoming routine. Before John had loaded their game, though, he said, “So it’s pretty weird having Bea and Ben as an item, right?”

The statement was so out of nowhere that both Balthazar and Pedro looked at him blankly for a moment. But he seemed to expect a response so Pedro eventually said, “How is it weird? They’re completely perfect for each other.”

For some reason this made John smile and, showing no signs of wanting to load the game, he said, “You know what? You’re right. They are  _perfect_  for each other. I don’t know what I was thinking. I suppose it just struck me that maybe it was a bad thing for two such close friends to get together. What do you think, Balthazar?”

Balthazar was very confused. Not by John’s question but by the way that he said it and by the daggers that Pedro was shooting across the room towards his brother. Balthazar knew that he was definitely missing the joke. Was John taking the piss out of him?

“Don’t you think that the cost may be too great?” John continued. “Might they not ruin their relationship?”

“Shut up, would you?” Pedro barked across the room at his brother.

But John just smiled. “I only want to know how Balthazar feels about the situation. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? Do you think that Bea and Ben should have gotten together, even though it may ruin their friendship, Balthazar?”

Balthazar glanced at Pedro, who was determinedly staring out of the window behind John’s head, a mixture of rage and mortification colouring his face. “I do,” Balthazar said. “I mean, it was obvious that they were meant to be together. It’s probably better that they used to be friends. I don’t know, they probably like know each other really well.”

John was nodding with a wide smile on his face. “You know, I think you might be right, Balthy! You’ve completely changed my mind about the whole thing. It isn’t weird – in fact, it’s completely natural and normal.”

“Alright, that’s enough!” Pedro cried, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Can we just play the goddamn game now?”

Balthazar could see how angry Pedro was with his brother and possibly with him too. He didn’t have a clear idea why but knew that he didn’t enjoy Pedro being upset.

And then Balthazar put his hand on Pedro’s leg.

He had no idea what possessed him to do such an oddly intimate thing, so completely out of character. He immediately felt Pedro tense beneath his fingers. So what had been a concerned, enquiring look on Balthazar’s face became more of a startled and embarrassed one by the time Pedro looked across at him. He went to jerk his hand away, but before he could, Pedro had grabbed it with his own.

It was a strong, almost possessive grip. Balthazar allowed his hand to relax as Pedro entwined their fingers. Pedro’s gaze was almost a glare, his eyes dark and his face serious. He seemed to saying ‘don’t you dare look away’. Balthazar couldn’t have if he had tried.

“God, I’m busting for the loo.” And John loudly left the room, closing the door behind him more forcefully than really necessary.

“Are you ok?” Balthazar managed to murmur.

He broke the spell and Pedro looked away, releasing Balthazar’s slightly crushed fingers.

There was a lengthy silence before Pedro moaned, “Ugh!” And put his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” Balthazar offered, though not sure what he was apologising for. Probably the leg grab.

“Ok, just stop being so nice.” Pedro’s voice was devoid of all resentment and he looked up at Balthazar with an almost bashful smile. “It’s really not helping.”

“I don’t… Do you want to, um, talk about it?”

“Yes.” Pedro shook his head. “No. Oh, I don’t know.” He leant back on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. “I really like spending time with you, Balthazar.”

Balthazar felt something catch in his throat. For reasons that he didn’t fully understand, he couldn’t feel happy at this moment in time. He just knew that he didn’t want Pedro to behave like this, as if he was being backed into a corner.

“Let’s just, let’s just play the game, should we?” Balthazar got up and walked around the back of the sofa to open the door, grabbing John’s controller from the armchair. He sat back down but Pedro was still giving him that intense look.

“Balth.” Pedro put one hand on his shoulder, like he had in the car one time Balthazar was mad at him. “You are just…” This time Pedro’s hand moved up and ran through Balthazar’s hair and held his face. Balthazar closed his eyes, only feeling the warmth of Pedro’s fingers against his cheek.

Perhaps he would have let Pedro kiss him if John hadn’t walked back into the room at that moment saying, “We ready to play then?”

Or perhaps it was for the best that they hadn’t, Balthazar thought much later when he was in bed with sleep entirely evading him. If they were going to get together, Balthazar would much prefer it to happen Pedro was feeling good about the world, not when he was angry and frustrated.

His message alert sounded from his bedside table and Balthazar reached across to get it. The light was momentarily blinding and he squinted to read the text. It was from Pedro.

_You asleep?_

Balthazar quickly text back:  _Nope._

A moment later his phone rang, with Pedro’s photo popping up on the screen. His ring tone seemed extra loud in his quiet and dark house so Balthazar fumbled to answer it. “Hey,” he said, lying back in his bed, one hand under his head.

“Hey. You weren’t asleep?” Pedro’s voice sounded hushed.

“Nah. I promise.”

“You should have stayed. I mean, we could have carried on playing.”

“It’s, urm, three in the morning.”

“Ok, point taken.”

“I think you might be a bit addicted.”

“To the game?” Pedro asked almost coyly, and Balthazar could hear his smile through the phone.

“Oh yes,  _the game_.”

And they both laughed a hushed, everyone-else-is-sleeping-but-we’re-so-hilarious laugh. Balthazar felt that happy feeling in his gut again. He felt relaxed for the first time since being alone with Pedro that afternoon. He closed his eyes and just listened to Pedro’s voice.

“I wanted to apologise for being a dick,” Pedro said. “I am just constantly being an imbecile these days. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You don’t have to apologise.”

“Yeah, I do. I don’t even have anyone else to blame anymore.”

“Well, John was sort of winding you up, wasn’t he?” Balthazar suggested.

He heard Pedro smirk. “Oh, you got that eventually, did you?”

“Yeah, I kind of worked it out.”

“Well done, I’m very proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

There was the smallest of pauses before Pedro said, in what he clearly intended to be a breezy tone of voice, “And do you stand by your, em, what you said to John?”

Balthazar grinned into the darkness. “What I said about Bea and Ben?”

“Yeah.”

He took a deep breath and then just said it: “Of course. They’re obviously meant to be together.” The darkness and the happiness helped. He imagined Pedro lying in his bed on his phone and half of his mind was already asleep and dreaming.

“Yeah? Even if one of them is a wonderful, perfect ray of sunshine and the other one is a complete dick, piece of trash?”

“Oh, come on,” Balthazar protested sleepily, “You’re not a piece of trash.”

“What do you mean? I’m talking about  _Ben_ ,” Pedro insisted with feign incomprehension. “I just think that it’s so out of line the way that he treats people sometimes.”

“It is not out of line. Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone makes mistakes.” Balthazar yawned widely.

“I don’t know. I think Ben makes  _a lot_  of mistakes.”

“Well, I happen to really like Ben, even though he has made mistakes. I think he’s the best,” Balthazar said, barely believing what he was saying. “I really like him, a lot.”

“Ok, let’s stop. You’re making me feel confusingly jealous of Ben.”

Balthazar felt a comfortable glow suffusing his whole body. His tired mind thought vaguely about how much better it would be if they weren’t talking on the phone, if they were in the same room instead. Perhaps they could be having this conversation in his bed. He could be holding Pedro close to him. Balthazar thought about Pedro’s warm arms wrapped around him.

“Are you falling asleep?” Pedro suddenly said in his ear. “Because that’s really offensive if you are.”

“No,” Balthazar said, while suppressing another yawn. His brain did seem to keep slipping into darkness. Unless all of this was a dream. That was a definite possibility.

“If I was there I’d keep you awake.”

“… I would like that.”

“Ok, I’m going to go if that is the only response you can manage to my innuendo. … Balthazar? Balth? I’m going.”

“Night,” Balthazar murmured. He allowed the phone to slip from the side of his head and instantly fell asleep.


	11. Boiling Hot Lava

_I thought you said you were coming._

Pedro hoped the tone that he was going for translated through the text to Balthazar – somewhere between petulant and mad. He was sat in the darkest corner of the least filled room at the Duke’s house. He couldn’t believe that he was having to endure this event without Balthazar.

He could have murdered his parents when they told him about the ‘Sorry Party’ idea. What a ridiculous, pitiable attempt to patronise your children into being friends again. It’s not as easy as just saying sorry and moving on.

Pedro’s phone lit up.

_I am coming._

He clicked his tongue with impatience.  _Come quicker._  he typed. He knew that Balthazar had had band practice but he had promised he’d come by eight. It was almost nine now.

It wasn’t that Pedro needed Balthazar for moral support or anything. It was just that every time he looked at Hero or Hero’s parents or her brother or Claudio or John or even his own parents, Pedro was engulfed again by his horrible blunder and felt sick to his stomach. All this talking just seemed to be making it worse. When he looked at Balthazar, though, he didn’t feel any of that. He felt something different altogether.

Balthazar text him back just with a winky face and Pedro was in such a bad mood that it took a moment for him to realise why. And then he felt his chest tighten with something like pleasure but a little more painful.

Pedro’s fingers hovered over the screen of his phone as he considered how to respond. He really wasn’t in the mood for flirting, but he also couldn’t bare the thought of embarrassing or disappointing Balth. Finally he settled for sulky but intimate.  _Don’t you wink at me. I’m annoyed. Where are you???_

Then he sighed deeply and put his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. A sorry party. For fuck’s sake.

Pedro’s mind flickered back to the question that had been plaguing him for days. How was he ever going to ask Balthazar out? He had literally never been hesitant or nervous about asking someone out before. Or was that just the overly cocky former Pedro who thought he knew best about everything. Yeah, that had worked out well…

But he knew his feelings for Balth weren’t going to go away and that, for better or for worse, he was eventually going to have to do something about it.

_On my way. You better have saved me cake._

Alright, it would most definitely be for better, Pedro decided, as a warm feeling flowered in his chest.

And that’s when Ben found him and dragged him into Hero’s room, no matter how much Pedro insisted that he wasn’t in the mood.

Explaining to Ben that he was bisexual was something that Pedro had hoped that someone else would do for him. He had not expected to have to do it that evening but Ben was attempting to set him up and every name that he mentioned that wasn’t ‘Balthazar’ just made Pedro want to stuff his mouth with socks. Pedro’s attempted announcement was made even more awkward by the sudden late appearance of Balthazar.

“Yeah, um, sorry I’m late. Ursula just let me in - told me you’d disappeared off somewhere. I thought I’d come and see if you were ok.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Ben said, clearly thinking Balthazar was talking to him.

But Pedro glanced at Balthazar and their eyes met. Balthazar gave him a questioning look and Pedro couldn’t really respond. He was stunned – unsure whether he was delighted Balth had arrived or mortified that he had arrived at that moment.

Either way, Ben sat Balthazar down on the bed and Pedro realised he was in it for the long haul. When Balthazar asked what they were up to, Ben became strangely awkward and Pedro just thought ‘fuck it’.

“Ben here was trying to set me up with a girlfriend,” he explained and Balthazar gave him a smirk in return.

Pedro enjoyed having this little in-joke with Balthazar, with Ben looking bewildered as Balthazar began listing potential boyfriends, although he was still concerned about the inevitable moment when they would have to have that serious conversation.

And then, as if the universe had considered the one person who could possibly make the situation more uncomfortable for Pedro – and would quite possibly like to – John entered the room.

And as soon as Ben started talking about setting Pedro up, he knew who his brother would suggest.

“Wh- uh, um, no,” Pedro spluttered to interrupt John. “It’s, it’s not something that we’ve talked about. Ever.”

He wasn’t even fully sure why he didn’t just let John say it. As Ben kept on implying, it wasn’t exactly a mystery anymore.

And he knew that they would keep pushing. It frustrated Pedro. Why couldn’t he do this on his own terms? He leaned back on the bed and cast a sideways glance at Balthazar.

And then his mind changed completely.

Firstly, Balthazar was just so gorgeous. Pedro was instantly reminded of this and reminded of how much he wanted to kiss him all of the time. And also, he had the small smile on his face, that knowing smirk, which meant that he didn’t mind very much at all about the heavy hints that were being dropped all around them.

“Ok!” Pedro said. He was actually going to do it. “Balthazar, do you wanna go outside with me?”

Balthazar nodded, fairly calmly, fairly happily. “Yeah, yeah sure.”

Pedro felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was going to happen. It was happening.

“Hey Pedro,” Beatrice pounced on him almost the second they left Hero’s room, “um, do you want to have some of Hero’s cake? I think Ben stole like half of it so there’s not much left. What a pig.”

Pedro could tell that this was intended to be a sort of peace offering but he had no time for peace at the moment. “Nah, I had some of Ben’s half actually. We’re just um, going to get some fresh air.”

“Oh, alright.” She cast a shrewd look towards him. “You better not be running away from the love-fest going on tonight. You know this was sort of meant for your benefit.”

“No way. Balthy just fancied a spot of star gazing.” And he winked at Beatrice, enjoying the surprise that arrested her.

“Ok then…” she said slowly.

“Be back in a sec.” Pedro glanced back and the look of unguarded pleasure that Balthazar was giving him buoyed him up even further.

They left the house together through the front door and walked out into the darkened street.

“Well, that was awkward,” Pedro commented. They began to amble randomly away from the Duke’s house.

“Mmm…” Balthazar agreed.

“I didn’t know that Ben was going to do that, by the way. In case you thought that was some kind of weird set up.”

“Um, you didn’t watch his last video then?”

“No. Why? Was this an actual plan? You could have warned me, mate.”

Balthazar smirked. “Why would I have wanted to do that?”

They stopped walking. The street was deserted and hushed as if the very air around them was waiting for something to happen.

And still Pedro wasn’t sure what to say.

Balthazar was looking at him expectantly. “Um, we’re not actually going to star gaze are we?”

“I don’t know why this has been put on me,” Pedro said, half joking, half serious. “You are allowed to make the first move, you know? Why does everyone seem to think that I have to be the one?”

“Oh, urm, alright.” Balthazar was nodding as if he could see the logic here. And then, to Pedro’s astonishment, Balthazar put one hand on his shoulder, closed the gap between them and gave him a kiss of aching sweetness.

Pedro felt as if the earth had disappeared from beneath him and that he was free-falling. He could feel the drum of his pulse and his head was spinning. The taste of Balthazar’s lips was an exhilarating thrill.

“Oh my god,” he murmured, when Balthazar pulled away, though Pedro’s arms stopped him from going too far. “Why couldn’t you have done that weeks ago?”

Balthazar blushed and his eyes flitted away and then met Pedro’s again. “Well, I could have done that years ago, to be honest.”

Pedro beamed and stepped backwards, his hands finding Balthazar’s and holding them tight. “Oh, I get it! Been holding a torch, have we?”

“Nah, I haven’t,” Balthazar shook his head with a grin.

“Too late to deny it. You totally have been!”

“There’s been no torch holding. None.”

“I bet there has been.” And Pedro did what he’d been imagining doing. He ran one hand up through Balthazar’s hair and kissed him, softly at first and then with more intensity as his lips opened to Pedro. Balthazar’s hands traced Pedro’s chest and they clung to each other as if the strength of their embrace would determine the duration of their love. The feel of Balthazar’s body against his turned Pedro’s blood to lava and his only thought was “let’s get out of here”.

Balthazar smiled against his lips. “We can’t just leave.”

“Yes, we can,” Pedro insisted and grazed his lips over Balthazar’s jaw, his ear then tasted the soft skin at the base of his neck, enjoying the appreciative sigh that it provoked.

“Ugh, seriously, though,” Balthazar murmured, “we do have to stay. I, uh, promised Hero’s mums that we would.”

Pedro grinned at him. “Great. You included me in this promise?”

“It was sort of you that they were concerned about disappearing. Well, maybe not for this reason though…”

Pedro took a deep breath and attempted to lower his heart rate. Then they reduced the distance between each other. “I guess we can’t break a promise.”

Balthazar slipped his hand into Pedro’s and beamed at him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were sparkling. Pedro was fairly sure at that moment that he had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. “I -” Pedro began before thinking what he was going to say and formed the next incriminating syllable with his mouth before stopping himself. “Urm…” he grimaced. No declarations in the wake of the first kiss. That was a bad idea.

But Balthazar smirked and then nodded in agreement. “I, uh, I’m fairly fond of you too.”


	12. Epilogue

Most members of the Jones household knew better than to disturb the eighteen year old who closed his bedroom door behind himself and his boyfriend. Isabella however…

“I FOUND YOUR FAVOURITE PICK!” She burst into the room like a bat out of hell – a cute little bat with blonde hair in bunches, clutching a metallic bronze plectrum in her chubby hands.

“Bella!” Balthazar cried. He was sitting on the bed - dressed, thank god – but Pedro was standing topless in the middle of the room, just stooping to get his t-shirt off the floor. “Go and see Mum!”

“But it’s your  _favourite_!” She insisted, dancing and waving it towards him.

“Oh my god…” Balthazar put an exasperated hand on his forehead but could see that Pedro, now with shirt pulled on, was grinning. “Um, Isabella, you, you know how we always knock when Rosa is with her boyfriend? It’s the same thing.”

“But you said he wasn’t your boyfriend.” Isabella frowned between the two of them. She had literally only just grasped this point and here Balthy was making things confusing again. “And that Ben wasn’t  _or_  Claudio…”

“Well, I am his boyfriend now,” Pedro explained, then quickly added, “but Ben and Claudio still aren’t.”

Balthazar loved the easy, confident way that Pedro said this, as if it was the most natural and normal thing in the world for he, the football captain, the student leader, to have him, Balthazar, as a boyfriend. A few months ago it had been so out of the question in Balthazar’s mind. And yet, here they were.

“You’re his  _boyfriend_?” Isabella’s face crushed up into delighted disgust.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Pedro asked, beaming at the little girl in grass-stained dungarees.

“No way!” Her disgust heightened. “Don’t you want your pick?” All in all this seemed to be the most confusing thing to Isabella about the current situation. “It’s your favourite,” she emphasised, as if he must have missed this key part. “I found it.”

Balthazar smiled at his adorable little sister. “Where did you find it?”

“In the sofa.”

“Were you making a fort?”

“No!” she said, as if this was a ludicrous suggestion. “I was playing hide and seek with Betty.”

Balthazar groaned. Betty was the hamster. “Again? Dad said he’ll padlock her cage if you keep doing that.”

The same thought had obviously crossed Isabella’s mind because she skipped forwards, handed Balthazar the plectrum and made a hasty retreat. “I’ll go and find her now.”

And without a second glance she scooted off. Only they heard a moment later: “MUM! BALTHY’S GOT A  _BOYFRIEND_! IT’S PEDRO! BUT NOT BEN AND NOT CLAUDIO!”

“I swear that girl makes more noise than the rest of your family put together,” Pedro laughed, closing the bedroom door again, but not before they heard: “AND HE WASN’T WEARING A TOP!”

Balthazar cringed. “Yeah, um, I have no idea where she gets it from. Sorry about that.” He looked up at Pedro, trying to judge if he was at all perturbed.

“No worries, I’m sure that John would have done exactly the same thing if he’d found my favourite plectrum. Frankly I’m glad she disturbed us.” Pedro came towards him with a wide smile on his face. “I’m just relieved that the plectrum is safe. Please tell me he has a name.”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

Pedro sat down on the bed next to him. “Let’s call him… Picky.”

“That’s a rubbish name.”

“Is it your favourite because it’s the colour of my eyes?”

“No.”

“Did you use to stare at it and think about me?”

“ _Ugh_. Please stop.”

But Pedro was leaning forwards with his hands planted either side of Balthazar’s legs and that inviting smile on his lips.

“I’m so right,” said those lips that Balthazar was struggling to look away from.

“Huh, you wish.”

Balthazar had always considered himself to be a pretty level, chilled sort of person. He couldn’t help finding this extremity of happiness somewhat overwhelming. A part of him still couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. Was Pedro Donaldson really here, on his bed, pressing their lips together? Was that actually an event that could exist without the universe exploding?

How did people deal with this sort of emotion? Balthazar didn’t think that it was the sort of thing he could carry around with him.

Pedro sat back, considering Balthazar curiously. “What are you thinking about?”

Balthazar smiled and gave a small shrug. “I don’t know, just an idea for a new song.”


End file.
